Terrorism Compendium Excerpt

Fighting With Humor

          In the days of my youth, WWII, we used to wait eagerly for the daily cartoons of Bill Mauldin, Up Front. His two unwashed dogfaces said more about the war than any journalist ever could say with words. He gave those of us at home something to chuckle about in a time when there wasn’t much humor, and the soldiers fighting had a laugh over the predicaments of their own kind. Up Front appeared in Stars and Stripes, and it sometimes even invoked the ire of the top brass. No one was immune, and we all loved it.

          One cartoon shows Joe, his face turned away, holding a gun, ready to shoot his jeep. It was sitting there with a broken axel.

          The point is, that Americans have always been able to laugh about calamity. This situation should be no different. We can poke fun at some aspect of almost everything, and Terrorism will be no exception. It’s our way of fighting back.

          Whatever I can find will be found scattered throughout the book, without comment or edit. I’ll glean them from wherever I can find them. I won’t try to give credit to the many excellent Joke Sites for a particular joke. The jokes seem to make the rounds of most of them, and who was the originator?

          If an originator is truely identified, credit is due and will willingly be given.

99 Ways To Make Saddam Mad (madder?)

          Send him a dozen giant pizzas with extra ham topping.

Ways to Annoy Osama 

          Send him a dozen giant pizzas with extra ham topping.

          See what I mean? 

          Neither will I attempt to evaluate them: One man’s humor is another man’s trash. If you don’t like a bit of humor, don’t use it.

          Humor is a weapon. It has barbs and can unsettle (wound) an opponent the same as any needle getting under one’s skin, perhaps even more effectively.

          We will start with this one:

Axis of Evil Wannabes

by John Cleese

          Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya,

China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as

Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North

Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

          Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although

they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told

us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad

          "An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President

Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you

had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three,

and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

          International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as

within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed

to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs.

          Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of

Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the

"Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".

          With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra

Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries

That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".

          Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually

Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while

Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want

Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we

like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

          While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun

of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected

the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay",

accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from

Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

          Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately

world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.